I swear I use to be fun. I know I did. I feel like in a former life, I was the life of the party. You always hear that being a mom changes you, but I know for a damn fact that I was NOT prepared for the insane amount of weird anxiety and fear that would accompany becoming a mother. I have so many weird fears now that definitely weren’t there before I had kids.
I feel like I should preface this with letting you know that I am medicated for the anxiety and fear I’m about to explain to you. It helps, but I’m still so different than I was before kids and I don’t think that will ever change. According to my mother, there is no age where you deem your children grown and stop worrying.
Helicopter mom fear 1) In public, I ALWAYS make sure my kids are within an arms reach of me. There are so many crazy people in the world and when they get too far from me, I convince myself that one of those crazy people are going to just snatch them up and run….I’m not catching them. I’m a lot of things but I am not fast. When Josh is with me, I worry less. I have confidence in his speed. Weird, right? Some ways I move through this is taking a moment to take in my surroundings. Reminding myself, Jordan, a crazy person is not hiding behind that bush at the zoo. A LOT of self talk happens to help guide my mind back to a healthier space and it works.
Weird fear 2) Bridges. The longer the bridge and the bigger the body of water, the more terrifying it is. There is a whole series of thoughts that go through my head, especially if I’m the driver. First, I remind myself to take slow and steady breaths. Next, I go through the series of things that need to go off seamlessly shall this bridge break and I need to save my children. Third, this is an unhealthy, intrusive thought and I need to switch my focus. For me, I bring my focus to the car in front of me. I pick out details about the car, the make, the model or whatever stupid saying is on the license plate. Bringing my focus to these things allows my brain to focus on things that are real.
Irrational fear 3) having a close encounter with an animal that will eat us. This one is hilarious and infuriating at the same time. We recently went on a trip and took a short hike through a nature preserve. I feel like I’m always more diligent about watching where I step than I use to be, but this particular trail got a little swampy. We were in southern Alabama, and I decided I didn’t want our family to be an alligator’s lunch so I made the executive decision to turn back. Josh will never admit this but the thought was obviously in his mind too. I’m just willing to say it out loud. How do I work my way through this fear? I avoid swamplands.
I really struggled with the concept of having anxiety to the point that I couldn’t use my own professional techniques to move myself through it. After having Larkin, I let my anxiety go untreated longer than I should have because I’m a “professional” and felt like I should have been able to work through it on my own. I’m so thankful for my OB-GYN giving me the time to digest my feelings and prescribing a medication that moved me in the direction of normalcy. After more conversations with my nurse practitioner, a medication change was made that better suits me and where I’m at now.
When people hear I struggle with anxiety at times, they’re always shocked. I work really hard to look like a person who has their shit together and I feel like for the most part I do, but everyone needs help every once in a while. There is no shame in asking for that help. It’s so important that we are all striving to be those helpers. We should all be going out into the world to do good things.
Jo is a Mess 