I’m Baaaaack

I always said I wouldn’t write if I didn’t have anything interesting to say, but to say I haven’t had anything interesting happen in months would be a lie. I do this really fun thing were I neglect things that bring me joy. Early on in this blog, it was absolutely cathartic for me. It felt good to share things happening in my life or events I was processing with anyone who wanted to read it. As most of you know, when I started this it was a way to inform all my loved ones what was happening with my cancer diagnosis without having to repeat myself a million times, because honestly, I didn’t have the capacity to do that.

The first blog post generated a ton of support. When things go wrong, people show up. That’s a good thing. My diagnosis was followed by an outpouring of love and support from family, friends and community members. After my surgeries and being declared “cancer free”, people went back to their regularly scheduled programing. My blog was generating fewer and fewer views, especially organic ones from my own pages. I became one of “those people” which honestly doesn’t surprise me. I’m the youngest child, so I love attention. I forgot how good it felt just to write. I was more worried about what people thought about my writing than how I felt when I wrote. By taking some time to re-evaluate my goals for this blog, I concluded that it’s not really about any of you. It’s about what makes me feel good. If someone gets something from it, that’s even better but I’m not setting out to change anyone’s life but my own.

Another toxic trait of mine is ending things that feel like self-care when I’m stressed. It’s like my brain says “Oh, writing makes you happy, I’m gonna need you to stop doing that” and I obey. Do I obey when it reminds me that ice cream does not solve my problems? No, no I do not. I can’t even pinpoint what I was stressed about when I quit writing but it felt like a chore so I stopped. Sometimes, self-care does feel like a chore. It isn’t always facials and massages. Let’s be honest, if I have to schedule those myself, I’m not doing it.

It is time for me to get this bad boy back on track. It is great when what I have to say resonates with others and helps foster healthy and helpful conversations. But really, I started this to connect with myself. Moving forward, I’m not dedicating myself to writing so many times a week or whatever nonsense I told myself at the beginning, I’m going to write when I have something to say. I want to encourage anyone who stumbles upon this to find their thing too. Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s art. Maybe it’s running (I don’t get that, but you do you). Just find your thing and stick to it. When we feel good about ourselves and the energy we’re giving our own mental health, we have so much more positive energy to put out into the world.

Take care of yourself and do good things.